Grow Jokes / Recent Jokes

When does a bed grow longer? At night, because two feet are added to it.

Colorado
• Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
• Colorado law requires that wine be sold in containers of at least 24 ounces and spirits in containers at least a fifth of a gallon. But, at the same time, it also decrees that no alcohol beverage can be stored in hotel minibars in anything larger than miniature containers.
• Colorado Springs: It is permissible to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
• Crippe Creek: It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of any building.
• Denver: The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public road running through said park; It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor; It is illegal to mistreat rats; You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
• Durango: It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes more...

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?"
"Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it."
"If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body."
"Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown."
"Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow."
"Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries."
"Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along."
"The father gives the mother plenty of money. If he gives her enough, she goes out and gets a baby."
"To have a baby you go on a special diet and eat spinach and coal and stuff. Then you get real fat and that's the more...

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.
You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds?
You know you're getting on in years when the women at the office start confiding in you.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends and have begun to grow in the middle.
Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.
A man has reached middle age when he is more...

We only grow when we step outside our comfort zone.

Kevin Federline is convinced that his two sons will grow up to be sports stars. With the parents they have, they'll be lucky to grow up at all.