Grow Jokes / Recent Jokes
A POEM WRITTEN BY AN AFRICAN SHAKESPEARE
Dear white fella
Couple things you should know
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.
You white fella
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey..
And you have the cheek to call me coloured?????
Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says "It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow chest hair" Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!"
WE are familiar with the witticisms written behind trucks and three-wheelers. Variations on their themes make interesting reading. For instance, there is the common one: "if you can read this, UR2 close." Amusing variation can be: "If you can read this, you are evidently literate, Congrats!" There is another one often seen on the roads: "Dont't come close to me. I hardly know you." We can improve on it: "Don't come close to me-I got AIDS". I have seen this one on a three-wheeler: "When I grow up, I'm going to become a Rolls Royce." Having learnt something of the way Delhi's buses are driven, one can improve on it: "When I grow up, I am going to become a DTC bus." For "My other car is a Mercedez Benz." We can have it slightly different: "My other car was sold to buy this one." We can also convert. "Life begins at forty; so let's really live it up," to a warning against overspeeding. "Lite more...
A woman is pregnant with triplets. The first fetus turns to the other two and says, "When I get outta here and grow up, I'm gonna be a plumber."
"Why a plumber?" ask the other two.
The first replies, "Because of all the damn water in here."
"That makes sense," reply the others.
Then, the second fetus says, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be an electrician."
"Why an electrician?" the others ask.
"Because it's so damn dark in here," replies the second.
"That makes sense too," the others comment.
The third one then says, "When I grow up, I'm gonna be a hunter."
"Why a hunter?" ask the other two.
The third replies, "Because if that damn gopher sticks his head up here one more time, I'm gonna kill it!"
One day a head stumbled into a bar and asked for a beer.when he took the first sip of the beer he grew a body.
The bartender said thats amazing.H e said I watch this and he took another sip. Wow he grew arms and hands this time.
This time he took another sip and grew legs and feet.The bar tender said now you can't grow any thing else so I guess you'll be leaving. No wait I can grow one more thing. Oh, whats that. A dick to screw you with. So he took one more sip.
To prove he grew a dick he took the bar tender (who if by now you haven't guessed is a beautiful women with huge tits and thin waist)upstairs to the janiters closit he screwed her for hours.
When they had been in there for 5 hours screwing each other the women said, I have to go.He said wait one minute whats your name.It's Victor.What thats a guys name.I know you have been screwing a guy, you just were so excited about screwing me I didn't won't to tell you.Bye.
One day later the women told him you might more...
One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.
It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny dog.
Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain - unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt.
I guess more bad things have been done in the name of progress than any other. I myself have been guilty of this. When I was a teenager, I stole a car and drove it out into the desert and set it on fire. When the police showed up, I just shrugged and said, "Hey, progress." Boy, did I have a lot to more...
Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.
When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, the gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, "Hey, good job."
Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind." Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.
I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep more...