Grow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Grow Your Own Vegetables by Rosa Carrotts

A Texan went to Chicago and thought he would buy a new "city" outfit.
He went into Marshall Fields and when asked by a sweet young woman if
she could help him, he answered,
"Yes ma'am. Ya' see, I'm from Texas and I want to buy a complete city
outfit."
Her eyes lit up as she asked, "Where would you like to start?"
"Well, ma'am, how about a suit?"
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Size 53 tall, ma'am."
"Wow, that's really big."
"Yes, ma'am, they really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?" she asked.
He replied, "How about some shoes?"
"What size?"
"Size 15 double E."
"Wow, that's really big!
"Yes, ma'am. They really grow them big in Texas."
"What's next?"
"Well, I reckon I'll need a shirt."
"Yes, sir. What size?"
"Nineteen and a half neck, sleeves more...

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be President and anyone who doesn't grow up can be Vice President.

Theyre not going to grow bananas any longer. Really? Why not? Because theyre long enough already.

The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.

"A football player,"

"A doctor,"

"An astronaut,"

"The president,"

"A fireman,"

"A teacher,"

"A race car driver."

Everyone that is, except Tommy.

The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Possible" Tommy replied.

"Possible?" asked the teacher.

"Yes," Tommy said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible."

"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"