Grow Jokes / Recent Jokes

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.
"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?", she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies.
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
"Worked for your butt, didn't it?", he replied...
He lived, and with a great deal of therapy may even walk again....

The kindly old gentleman was visiting the home of his daughter. He entered the room of his two grandsons and found them busy studying at their desks. The first boy was reading a book on aviation.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" asked the grandfather.
"A pilot, sir," said the boy.
"And what do you want to be when you grow up?" the old gentleman asked the second lad.
The boy looked up from the latest issue of PLAYBOY. "Nothing, sir," he said wistfully, "just growed up."

Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds." Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks. "They'll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks. The husband shrugs. "Why not, it more...

I heard this one a few years ago in East Germany...
Erich Honnecker (the president of East Germany) was invited to Moscow
by Gorbachev for a visit. After weeks of preparation by Gorby,
Honnecker arrives in Moscow. As part of of celebration activities,
there is a big parade through the streets of Moscow.
While the two are watching the parade, Gorbachev takes a small boy
aside and asks him, "Who is your mother?" The child replies, "Mother
Russia." "And who is your father?" asks Gorbachev. The boy answers,
"Why, it's you Uncle Gorbachev!" Finally Gorbachev asks the boy, "and
what do you want to be when you grow up?" The boy proudly replies,
"a good communist!"
Erich Honnecker, meanwhile, has been watching this and is very
impressed. So impressed, that he decides to invite Gorbachev to
[East] Berlin for a visit. Again, after weeks of preparation,
Gorbachev's plane lands in more...

Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Sheila says, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"
Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeated.
Sister Catherine breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Sheila says, "When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!"
Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barked, "What did you say?!" "A prostitute!" Sheila repeated.
Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and saying, "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
Give me time to understand what you want of me.
Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
Don’t be angry with me for long and don’t lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainments. But I have only you.
Talk to me. Even if I don’t understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget it.
Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, and yet I choose not to bite you.
Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I’m not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long or my heart might be getting old or weak.
Please take care of me when I grow old. You too will grow old.
On the difficult more...