Guests Jokes / Recent Jokes

Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo.

Other ways to use the Thanksgiving turkey...
As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with.
As a projectile to throw at the TV after Kathie Lee says, ''Aren't they a wonderful band!'' for the 25th time.
As a hood ornament.
As a disguise so your ugly Aunt Beatrice can't kiss you and say, ''How much you've grown!''
As a football for the after-meal game.
One word... bowling!
As yet another object to drop from the top of the dorm to test the range of the splatter upon impact.
As a gift/bribe for a professor.
As a Christmas gift (avoid the holiday crowds this way!)
As a doorstop to keep your relatives out.
Makes a great doggie chew toy.
Fill it with whip cream - watch the fun.
An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie.
A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from.
Bury in the yard for future midnight snacks.
If you're flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray machine. more...

The New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.
At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement.
He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway."
The guest continued, "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.
When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.
This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."

This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks.
While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going.
Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting up fans, and generally doing everything short of calling the fire department.
Let the guests sit for about 1/2 hour at 50 degrees (as a result of opening the windows) and serve the food.
By this point, you have established expectations in your guests' minds that you can't fail to exceed!

This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks.While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going.Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting up fans, and generally doing everything short of calling the fire department.Let the guests sit for about 1/2 hour at 50 degrees (as a result of opening the windows) and serve the food.By this point, you have established expectations in your guests' minds that you can't fail to exceed!

This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven’t seen listed in any cookbooks.
While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going.
Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting up fans, and generally doing everything short of calling the fire department.
Let the guests sit for about 1/2 hour at 50 degrees (as a result of opening the windows) and serve the food.
By this point, you have established expectations in your guests’ minds that you can’t fail to exceed!