Guests Jokes / Recent Jokes

Six people were injured when a rampaging bull charged guests at a wedding ceremony in Cambodia.

Guests were shocked when Robert De Niro apparently got confused between his role as Jake LaMotta and the part he played in Deerhunter.


Two guests were taken to the hospital but, after a two hour delay, the wedding continued.


The bride was resplendent in a Vera Wang wedding dress and guests were pleasantly surprised to learn there were suddenly enough seconds for everyone on the prime rib.

SEATTLE'S TURKEY DAY ETIQUETTE

It's been 145 years since the first white settlers landed at Alki Beach at Thanksgiving time, took one look at the overcast skies and the sodden, rain-soaked West Seattle terrain, and burst into tears.

(History, alas, doesn't record the response of the Native Americans when they spotted those tear-drenched settlers. But they probably were too polite to laugh out loud.)

In the intervening years, the first residents and the settlers have worked out the rules for Thanksgiving, Puget Sound style. Here they are, recently updated by an ad hoc Turkey Day committee:

DRESS CODE. Thanksgiving Day guests will arrive wearing Seattle tuxes: clean jeans, turtleneck sweaters and down jackets with weathered ski-lift tags. Hiking boots are optional.

CONVERSATION'S GAMBIT. Topics will include: 1) the election; 2) previous elections; and, 3) the next election. Several arguments will ensue before the host or hostess more...

"Look at me." an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. "I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine." "I certainly have to agree with that." piped-up his obviously long suffering wife. "Henry's cork's been stationary for years."

Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he`ll ask his guests what their I. Q. is--hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.
The day of Bob`s party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I. Q. is.
"200, 000" replies the first guest.
"Well, that`s great," says Bob, let`s talk about ethereal astro physics.
Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.
Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what`s your I. Q.?"
The new guest responds with "250".
"Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.
Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name`s more...

Hi Erma,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom and made a blanket in peaches and mauves.
Then, to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room. By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling.
While the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the more...

A blonde at the front desk of a hotel checks in and tells the manager she's only staying for one night. She pays the manager, gets a room key, and heads upstairs.
Later throughout that night, guests call the front desk complaining that a blonde woman had been walking into their rooms, eating their food, using their bathrooms, sleeping on their beds and watching tv. The manager immediately knows who the culprit is and calls the blonde woman who had checked in earlier.
When she comes downstairs the manager says, "
Look ma'am, the other guests don't appreciate you walking into their rooms and using their stuff. I would like to ask you to stop."
The blonde looks totally confused. "
But I don't understand. It's what I paid for isn't it?"
Now it was the manager's turn to be confused. "
Ma'am, what are you talking about?"
"
Well,"
the blonde says, "
your sign out front said 'All Rooms are 50 Dollars.' more...

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number -- room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them