Guests Jokes / Recent Jokes

What is your IQ? Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I.Q. is-hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.
The day of Bob's party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I.Q. is.
"200,000" replies the first guest.
"Well, that's great," says Bob, let's talk about ethereal astro physics.
Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.
Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what's your I.Q.?"
The new guest responds with "250".
"Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.
Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my more...

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.
What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one.
So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level:
Festivity Level One:
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level Two:
Your guests are talking loudly--sometimes to each other and sometimes to more...

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number - room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number - room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them.

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, seldom had
guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly
carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
- Paul Lynde: He's out of town

2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie,' What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen?
- Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question

3. What are' dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?
- Paul Lynde: They give milk. .. and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies

4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
- Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
- Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him

6. Robert Young recently stated,' I never, never give. ..' something to his fans who ask for it. What?
- Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy

7. James more...

Edwin Land is famous for inventing the Land Camera, also known as the Polaroid - the first instant camera. But he could invent just about anything he turned his mind to. Once his wife, in desperation, asked him to invent something to shut the dogs up! Seems they had two bull misstifs that could raise a terrible racket when they got excited.
So Edwin set his mind to it and invented a speaker that would shout at the dogs when their noise got to an intollerable decibel level. Since his was the only voice they would obey, the recorded message was in his own voice. And it worked; when the voice boomed out, it quieted them instantly.
But, one evening the Lands were having a party and the house was full of guests, really making merry and whooping it up. The noise kept getting louder and louder, until finally a slamming door did it: it reached the decibel level to activate the speaker.
"BE QUIET! SIT!" And of course all the guests, recognizing the master's voice did, more...