Guests Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rating your Christmas parties

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one. So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level: Festivity Level One:Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level Two:Your guests are talking loudly-sometimes to each other and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your more...

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Puka Tours (Sri Lankan)

There were two married people, named Punyawathi and Karunadaasa. This couple has son who's about 22 years of age. Now this couple thought of opening a tours & travel business. So, they bought a bus and thought of putting a name. They took the first two leters of their names and named the bus "Puka" (Punyawathi + Karunaadasa).
And now the business is doing very well, Puka Tours is in full swing. Now this son of theirs has an affair with a girl, and the girl's family thought of finding out about the guy and came to Karunadasa's house. So, when they came only Punyawathi was home, Karunadasa was in the river washing the bus, when the guests asked where is Karunadasa? Punyawathi replied saying: "Puka hodanava".
Then the guests were quite upset about these people's language, and they sat down to talk. So, the girl's father asked from Punyawathi from where do the get the income, then Punyawathi said: "Pukenma thamai". When the guests were about to more...

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Gauging the level of your Christmas Party

Festivity Level 1
Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2
Your guests are talking loudly - sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3
Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what
happens when the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4
Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
You want to keep your party more...

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Festivity Levels

Festivity Level 1: Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 2: Your guests are talking loudly - sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres.
Festivity Level 3: Your guests are arguing violently with inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no satisfaction," gulping down other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike.
Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The piano is missing.
You want to keep your party somewhere around more...

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Here is a true story about a recent

Here is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride`s and groom`s families for coming and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a fabulous reception. To thank everyone for coming and bringing gifts and everything, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift from just him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone`s chair was a manila envelope, including the wedding party. He said that this was his gift to everyone, and told everyone to open the envelopes. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 picture of his best man having sex with the bride. He had gotten suspicious of the two of them and hired a private detective to trail them weeks prior to more...

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Before the Guests Arrive

On News Years Eve, a thin and bony husband is walking around in the house wearing only his boxers.
His wife comes out of the kitchen and says, "Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on."
"Oh no, I won't," he says. "I want everybody to see how you feed your husband..."
"Really? Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that there's nothing that I should feed you for."

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