Guide Jokes / Recent Jokes

25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O J Simpson24. THE ENGINEER'S GUIDE TO FASHION23. TO ALL THE MEN I'VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY-by Dennis Rodman19. THE WILD YEARS-by Al Gore18. AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN17. AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS15. DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB13. DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES12. EASY UNIX11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE AND AGRICULTURE10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY7. GEORGE FOREMAN'S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER-by Art Garfunkel5. MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES-by the EPA3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY And the Number one World's Shortest book:... 1. HOW TO OVERCOME more...

Very Short Books... 1) Outdoor activities in Chernobyl2) Hot Scenic Real-estate opportunities on top of Mt St. Helens3) Investment opportunities in worm futures for the deceased4) Ballerina lessons for men with size 13 or larger feet5) Defensive Driving tips for the Blind6) Contraceptive tips for Nuns7) Delicious Beef Recipes for Hindus8) Mutual Fund Investment strategies for compulsive gamblers9) Cooking with Pork Fat for Vegetarians10) GreenPeace Guide for Buying Quality Baby Seal coats11) GreenPeace Guide to Preparing Fast & Easy Whale Dishes12) Jewish and Arab Friendship Customs13) Human Rights organizations in Libya14) Democracy Debate clubs in Cuba15) Applying for Tibetan Vendors Permits16) Applying for Flight Clearance over The White House17) Guide to Redneck Gay Bars18) Guide to NeoNazis Jewish Friendship Centers19) Famous Native American Judges, Senators and Presidents20) Famous Black Canadian Hockey Players21) Famous Hillbilly Physics22) Guide to apply for Pan Handling more...

An American tourist is visiting China. After visiting all the tourist attractions he decides to inquire about the people and askes his guide: "How large is the population here?" "Around 1.5 billion" -- the guide answers American, After a short pause: "So, what else do you do here?"

A WOMAN'S GUIDE TO WHAT A MAN IS REALLY SAYING: I'M HUNGRY. I'm hungry. I'M SLEEPY. I'm sleepy. I'M TIRED. I'm tired. I'VE GOTTA GO. Get out of the way and stay away until it clears. WHAT'S WRONG? I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this. WHAT'S WRONG? What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. I liked it better before. YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR.$50 and it doesn't look that much different! YES, I LIKE THE WAY YOU CUT YOUR HAIR. For $50 they should have GIVEN YOU hair! LET'S TALK, HONEY. I'm trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person, and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. WILL YOU MARRY ME? I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. WILL YOU MARRY ME? I might as well get tax benefits for going through these talks.

A MAN`S GUIDE TO WHAT A WOMAN IS REALLY SAYING:

I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
We haven`t had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA`S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON`T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
I just don`t want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON`T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
I can`t believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
My puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
I don`t like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
You never listen.

I`LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
I`m ready, but I`m going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I`LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
I`m just being nice; there`s no way I`m going dutch.

OH YES!!! RIGHT THERE!!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.

I`M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS.
We`re gonna make fun of you and your friends.

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, "What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop."
Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide,
"The Drums have stopped, what happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said:
"Bass Solo"

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow." "We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone." "Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune." "And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed." No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."