Guilty Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man who was chosen for jury duty wanted very much to be dismissed from serving. He tried just about every excuse he could come up with, but nothing worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more try. Just as the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I feel I must be excused from this trial since I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those sneaky, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said, 'He's a crook! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!' Therefore, your Honor, I could not possibly remain on this jury."
Glaring at him, the Judge replied, "Get yourself back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer!"
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?" "Guilty", said the man in the dock. At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise. The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?" Guilty", said the man in the dock. Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!! At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?" He replied "He is my more...
A man is in court. The Judges says,"on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?"
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted "You dirty rat!" The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
The Judge continued "..... and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead"?
"Guilty", said the man in the dock.
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, "You dirty rotten stinking rat"!!
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, "I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what more...
A man who was chosen for jury duty wanted very much to be dismissed from serving. He tried just about every excuse he could come up with, but nothing worked.
On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more try. Just as the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.
"Your Honor," he said, "I feel I must be excused from this trial since I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those sneaky, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said,' He's a crook! Guilty! Guilty! Guilty!' Therefore, your Honor, I could not possibly remain on this jury."
Glaring at him, the Judge replied, "Get yourself back in the jury box. That man is his lawyer!"
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "Its gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.""I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.""For Gods sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I wont feel guilty and depressed afterward."
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true. "I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days." Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a poisonous snake? A: You can make a pet out of the snake. Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a tick? A: A tick drops off you when you die. Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common? A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth. The judicial process is like a cow. The public is impaled on its horns, the government has it by the tail, and all the while the lawyers are milking it. Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche with two lawyers riding in it? A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside. The reason law schools have been described as "a place for the accumulation of more...