Guru Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Indian holiday
Becky, an elderly Jewish lady from London, goes to her travel agent and says, "I want to go to India."
"Why India? It`s filthy, very hot, and it`s filled to the brim with Indians. It`s a long journey, and those trains, how will you manage? What will you eat? The food is too hot and spicy for you. You can`t drink the water. You must not eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You`ll get sick - hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, God only knows. What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?"
"I want to go to India."
The necessary arrangements are made, and off she goes. Becky arrives in India and, undeterred by the noise, smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram. There she joins the seemingly never- ending queue of people waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her that it will take at least three days of standing in line to see the guru.
"That`s more...
It is true our cabinet ministers have shed some of
their self-esteem and delusions of grandeur. It is
said that one of them did in fact go to his Guru to
make a confession that he had incurred the sin of
vanity.
'What makes you think that?', asked the guru.
'Because every morning when I look into the mirror as I am shaving, I think what a wonderful and important person I am.'
'Never fear, my dear Minister,' came the reassuring reply,' that is not a sin. It's only a mistake.'
YESTERDAY
Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone
hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.
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Songs to program by...
Eleanor Rigby
Eleanor Rigby
Sits at the keyboard
And waits for a line on the screen
Lives in a dream
Waits for a signal
Finding some code
That will make the machine do some more.
What is it for?
All the lonely users, where do they all come from?
All the lonely users, why does it take so long?
Guru MacKenzie
Typing the lines more...
A disciple went to his Guru asking for tips to attain enlightenment. The Guru advised,' Take a mala (rosary) and go up into the Himalayas and meditate.' The disciple went away.
Several months later, the Guru paid him a visit and asked,' How do you like it up here in the snows?'
'Just fine,' replied the disciple.
'And what about the weather? Don't you freeze?'
'As long as I have my mala and my chillum (bowl full of tobacco), I don't care how cold it is.'
'I am glad to hear it. Can I also have a chillum for myself right now,' asked the Guru, shivering with cold.
'Why not!' said the disciple.' Mala! Would you bring us two chillumsl'
Why did the guru refuse Novacaine when he went to his dentist?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Why did the guru refuse Novacaine when he went to his dentist? He wanted to transcend dental medication.