Guy Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were two good friends (roommates, actually) at a University. One of them was a Chinese and the other was a Jew.
One day they went drinking and had a little too much. Upon staggering back home, they got into some stupid mindless argument. One thing led to another and suddenly the Jewish guy was pummeling the Chinese. Finally, exhausted, the Jewish guy stopped.
The Chinese, black eyes and all, opened one eye with some effort and asked him, "Why did you beat me"?
The Jewish guy replied, "That was for Pearl Harbour".
"But they were Japanese,. .." exclaimed the Chinese.
"Japanese, Chinese, all the same thing", replied the Jewish guy.
Some time went by. Again they went drinking and had a little too much. Once again there was the crazy mindless argument. They broke into a fight as soon as they reached home. This time the Chinese guy had the upper hand and almost did the Jewish guy in.
Finally, winded, the more...
Three couples (friends) travel together to a resort hotel, only to find that their reservations have been screwed up and they all have to stay in one room.
There are 2 king-sized beds and it is decided that the men will all sleep in one, and the women in the other.
In the middle of the night, the guy in the middle wakes up and says to the man next to him, "Let me out, I have GOT to get to my wife! I have the biggest hard-on I have ever had and I've got to get to her NOW!"
The other guy says, "O. K. Do you want me to come with you?"
"What the hell for?" asks the other.
"Because that's MY dick you're holding!" he says.
>>>In Australia, this man walks into a bar one night and a visiting
>>>drunken indian says to him:
>>>"HE MANN, IZ INT DERE ANNEE WEMEN IN DIS
>>>FUCK"N CUNTRY?"
>>>
>>>The Austrailian guy says:
>>>"SURE MATE. WATCH THIS......"
>>>
>>> He walks up to a girl and says:
>>>"TICKLE YOUR TWAT WITH A FEATHER?"
>>>
>>>The girl said immediately:
>>>"WHAT????????"
>>>
>>>He then quickly replied:
>>>"I SAID, TYPICAL TROPICAL WEATHER."
>>>
>>>He walked up to another girl and said very politely:
>>>"TICKLE YOUR TWAT WITH A FEATHER?"
>>>
>>>Girl: "SURE." And the two walked out of the bar. The next evening,
>>>the indian went back to the bar to see if he could learn some lines
>>>to pick up women. He found the austrailian guy and asked for advice.
>>>
>>>He replied by saying:
>>>"YOU GO UP TO A more...
This guy is just starting off his career as a ventriliquist and he's going around town looking for a job. He finds one at a local nightclub. So, on his first night, he's going through his normal routine of blonde jokes. All of a sudden, this blonde stands up in the fourth row and says, "Excuse me, mister, but no physical attribute of mine affects my mental capability!" The guy is flabbergasted. He stands up and tries to apologize, but is cut off when she says, - "You stay out of this, mister. I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to that jerk on your knee!"
The CIA is hiring and is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him: "Do you love your wife?" "Yes I do, sir." "Do you love your country?" "Yes I do, sir." "What do you love more, your wife or your country?" "My country, sir." "Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next room and kill her." The man says to the interviewer, "I can't do that. I guess that disqualifies me doesn't it." The interviewer tells him yes but that the gun is filled with blanks. The agency would never ask you to do a thing like that. He is disappointed but hands the gun back, gets up and politely leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the responses are the same. The interviewer gives him the gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes more...
Two out of work bums decided that they would be better off in a more downtown location so they hitched a ride. The driver dropped them off in the city's red-light district.
A hooker approached one of the bums and said, "Hey guy, would you like a hand job?"
The bum shook his head and said, "Errr, no it's okay!"
A few minutes later another hooker approached the bums and said, "Hey guy, would you like a blow job?"
The bum again shook his head and said, "Errr, no it's okay!"
After the hooker left the bum turned to his buddy and said, "We'd better go back where we came from. We've only been here 10 minutes and we've been offered two jobs already!"
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collarand is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie anddiscovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."