Hall Jokes / Recent Jokes
The setting is a well know state university about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture
hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final.
Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those
guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining
before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so busy gallivanting around the room
making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left
before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed
tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember
there were 1000 students in the class.
Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent grade to
pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and this
guy standing in the front of the room more...
Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over the other and said, "Cripes! life is boring. We never have any fun these days. For two bucks, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old fellow, holding up two dollars. As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall.
Waiting outside, his friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked old man burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"How did it go?" asked his friend.
"Great!" he said, "I WON FIRST PRIZE AS A DRIED ARRANGEMENT!!!"
Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was taking place.
One leaned over and grumbled to his friend, "Boy, life is so boring! We don't seem to have any fun anymore. For five bucks, I'd take off my clothes and streak through the flower show!"
"You're on!" his friend said, holding up a five dollar bill.
As quickly as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and, totally naked, streaked through the town hall's front door.
Waiting outside, his friend immediately heard a loud commotion, followed by deafening applause. Suddenly, the naked old man burst through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
"What happened? How did it go?" his friend asked.
"Great!" the old streaker replied. "Look, I won first prize as a dried arrangement!"
The Mayor of Vidor has decided not to take part in a town hall meeting on race relations CNN plans to broadcast across the nation.
It is the outgrowth of a CNN special report last week on race relations in America. The report included a story about Vidor. A technical problem at the local Time Warner Cable office prevented all but a few seconds of the story from airing in Beaumont and Vidor. The story was broadcast one night later. Vidor Mayor Joe Hopkins and several other people complained that the story was based on decades-old information and reinforced racial stereotypes about Vidor.
" After a lot of prayer and consideration, I don't think it's in the best interest of anyone involved that I participate," Hopkins told KFDM News Monday afternoon. "I will decline the invitation from CNN to take part in the town hall meeting. I left a voice message with the senior producer on site."
"Besides," added the mayor, "It will be a more...
An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy asked if there was anything wrong.
"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My Private Part died today, and I am very sad."
Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.
The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out his pyjamas, when he met Nurse Tracy.
"Mr. Goldstein," she said, "You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.. Please put your Private Part back inside your pyjamas."
But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my Private Part died."
"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your more...
Every day, we are assaulted by stories of stupid people -- many of whom use their stupidity for personal gain. From time to time, though, we hear of those who strive to achieve new levels of stupidity *while* also breaking the law. To these brave men and women -- ooops, "women and men" -- we present the highest possible honor: entry into the "Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame."
Following are their accounts. .
Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, more...
These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service!
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the more...