Hamburger Jokes / Recent Jokes

MONDAY: It's so much fun to cook for Ron. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. Fortunately, the neighbors were kind enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Ron wanted fruit salad for dinner. The recipe said serve without dressing so, I didn't dress. What a surprise when Ron brought his boss home for dinner.
WEDNESDAY: A great day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed sort of silly, but I took a shower. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today, Ron asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led up to Ron asking me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was exactly the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Ron more...

Q: What's the difference between a McDonalds Hamburger and Bill Clinton?
A: Some people in Arkansas haven't had a McDonald's hamburger!

A man walks into a diner and orders a hamburger. As he is waiting for his food, he notices that the cook is flattening the raw hamburger patties by placing them under his armpits and squeezing with his arm.
He calls the manager over and points out what the cook is doing.
The manager replies, "Oh, that's nothing. You ought to see how he prepares the donuts!"

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger.
She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?"
Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings him his meal. He takes a bite out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, exclaiming, "Waitress! There's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what's going on!"
So, the waitress takes him back to the kitchen where the cook is, and to the man's demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. The distraught customer says, "That's disgusting!"
Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting? You should see him make donuts."