Hangover Jokes / Recent Jokes

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot steak and eggs breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home about 3 A.M., blind stinking drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."Confused, Marty asks, "So, why did Mom put everything in order and so clean, with breakfast on more...

1 star hangover *
No pain. No real feeling of illness.. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a side of fries.
2 star hangover **
Slight headache. Don't feel sick, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels and even though you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.
3 star hangover ***
Definite headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are more...

A couple of drinking buddies, who were airplane mechanics, were in the hanger at Mascot in Sydney. It was fogged in and they had nothing to do. One said to the other,' Man, have you got anything to drink?'

'Nah, but I hear you can drink jet fuel and that'll kinda give you a buzz.' So, Bill and Bob drank jet fuel, get smashed and had a great time. The following morning, Bill woke up and figured his head would probably start pounding as soon as he stood up. But it didn't. He felt good. In fact, he felt great - no hangover! Bill's phone rang, it was Bob. Bob asked,' Hey, how do you feel?'

'I feel great!' replied Bill.' I feel great too! You don't have a hangover?'

'No. That jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover. We ought to do this more often!'

'Yeah, we could, but there's just one thing...'

'What's that?'' Did you fart yet?'

'What?'

'Did you fart yet?'

'No...'

'Well, don't, because I'm in more...