Hawaii Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said "You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!"
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick.
"Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete! How much steel! You're going to have to think of another wish."
The man agreed, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm more...
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts and shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, the two priests went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead" gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight toward them. They couldn't help but stare but when she passed them she turned to them, smiled and said, "Good morning, Father; good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by. They were both stunned - how in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day, the two priests went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits - these were so loud, you could hear them more...
It's illegal for a shooting gallery to offer liquor as a prize. The shooter might want to come back after drinking the prize and try again.All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat. Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears. It used to be the law in Hawaii that children had to obey all "lawful and moral" commands of their parents.In Hawaii it is illegal to get a tattoo behind your ear or on your eyelid unless in the presence of a registered physician. Honolulu: Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job" -George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign
"This is a great day for France!" -Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral
"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'" -George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students
"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks." -George Bush
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change." -Dan Quayle
"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here." more...
For thirty Years I have been a Travel Agent, serving our legislators and their staffs. This is how I know we're in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the plane, so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information. Then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. (click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I more...
"My husband won a trip for two to Hawaii," a woman complained to her marriage counsellor.
"He went twice!"
Sappy headed psuedo entertainer, Don Ho has passed away due to heart failure. Doctors said his heart was stopped by, you guessed it, a tiny bubble.
In a related story, 24,376 reporters will be fired this week for saying that he is survived by 20 little Ho's.
And to think, I will never get leighed again by Hawaii's biggest Ho. R.I.P.