Headline Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest wanted to raise money for his church.
Seeing that there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that the priest ended up buying a donkey.
The priest figured that since he had the donkey anyway, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. Much to his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the daily racing form carried the headline: "PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS".
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again the following day. This time the donkey won! The next day the racing daily read:' PRIEST'S ASS OUT IN FRONT'.
The bishop was so upset with all this publicity that he told the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The daily headline that day read: "BISHOP SCRATCHES PRIEST'S ASS".
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid more...

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third! The next day the local paper carried this headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The more...

A priest wanted to raise money for his church and on being told there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as
well go ahead and enter it in the races.
To his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PRIEST'S ASS SHOWS.
The priest was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the priest not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. The priest decided to give it to a nun in a nearby more...

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church,
and being told there was a fortune in horse
racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter
it in the races. However, at the local auction,
the going price for horses was so high that the
preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher
figured, since he bought the animal, he might as
well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey
did quite well and came in third place. The next
day, the racing sheets carried this headline: Preacher Shows Ass The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that
he entered it in the races again, and this time
the animal won first place. The paper said: Preacher`s Ass Out In Front The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the preacher not to
enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper
printed this headline:

Back in the 1970s on the classic TV game show “Match Game,” host Gene Rayburn would read a question that began “Dumb Dora is so dumb...” – and the studio audience would immediately chime in: “How dumb is she?”

Well, I work for a woman named D. And D is so dumb...okay, it’s your cue to chime in: “How dumb is she?”

This is how dumb. For the newsletter where I toil, I had to write about a none-too-special PR campaign involving a well-known apparel distributor that worked with a constellation of sweatshops spread across the so-called developing world. (Side note: just when is the developing world actually going to develop?) Anyway, I needed a headline to justify the story of how this company mended its way (sorry for the pun) and made its sweatshops a lot nicer.

So I came up with the headline “As Ye Sew...” – an obvious spin on the expression “As ye sow, so shall ye reap.” Now I thought that was nice, but D was totally confused and more...

Deciding to take a day off from his important job, a young hot-shot broker went back to visit some of his professors at his old school. Entering the school, he saw a dog
attacking a small child. He quickly jumped on the dog and strangled it. The next day, the local paper reported the story with the headline "Valiant Student Saves Boy From
Fearsome Dog."The broker called the editor of the paper and strongly suggested that a correction be issued, pointing out that he was no longer a student, but a successful Wall Street broker.The following day, the paper issued a correction, with a headline that read, "Pompous Stock Broker Kills School
Mascot."

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?