Headline Jokes / Recent Jokes
A pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune to be made in
horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going
price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise, the
donkey came in third. The next day the local paper carried this headline: Pastor's Ass Shows
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won!
The local paper read: Pastor's Ass Out Front.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey
in another race. The next day, the local paper read: Bishop Scratches Pastor's Ass
The bishop was fit to be tied. He ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to
give it to a nun in a nearby convent.The more...
A cub reporter covered a story about an attact on a woman by an escapee from a mental assylum. He returned with the story and a headline of "Woman raped, mental patient escapes".
The editor told him the headline needed a little punch to grab the reader's attention. After a while he came back with "Fiend Fucks and Flees".
The editor told him it was a family paper and they couldn't use a headline like that, go back and try again. Much later he came back with "Nut screws and bolts".
HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
Ranil goes to the newspaper vendor every morning, reads the front page headline and returns the paper. When this continued for several days the vendor asked Ranil, "Sir, everyday you read only the headline and return the paper. Are you looking for some special news?"
"Yes, I'm looking for an obituary notice"
"But Sir, obituary notices are on page 11"
No, this fellow whom I want dead will make the headlines if he dies"
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and being told there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that the preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher figured, since he bought the animal, he might as well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey did quite well and came in third place. The next day, the racing sheets carried this headline:
Preacher Shows Ass
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again, and this time the animal won first place. The paper said:
Preacher's Ass Out In Front
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this headline:
Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass
This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid more...