Heart Jokes / Recent Jokes

An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program. The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed, then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me." So the little old lady put her hand on her heart, because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his more...

Santa Claus lives at the North Pole...
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa Claus rides in a sleigh...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa Claus comes but once a year...
JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa Claus fills your stockings with goodies...
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa Claus comes down your chimney uninvited... JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.
You have to wait in line to see Santa Claus...
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa Claus lets you sit on his lap...
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa Claus doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy (or girl,) what's your name?"...
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa Claus has a belly like a bowl full of more...

You know you are addicted to the Internet when…
You kiss your girlfriend’s home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28. 8…ISDN…cable modem…T1…T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as “Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you’ve never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don’t have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail more...

33, Sussex
Middle sex
U. K.
The Advertiser
R. A. De Mel Mw.
Colombo-3.
Dear Madam
Post Of Trainee Lover In Your Heart
===================================
Being made to understand that there is a vacancy in your
heart as above, I am pleased to submit my application for the above
post.
I am Sinhalese, 22 Years of age. I eas educated in a leading
School in the City of Colombo. Whilst in school Ihave represented college
in the first eleven team in which I played Pocket Billiods, Marbles,
Bed rugger and swimming on the road. I have also been an active member
of the Women's interest in Men and the President of the Nude sex and Phonography
Club.
After my distinguied school career I have done a serious study on
INTERCOURSE. At present I am doing a course leading to the INTERNATIONALLY
recognised UNDER SKIRT ADVENTURE (U. S. A.)DIPLOMA IN WOMEN.
This also includes the following
1. more...

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone."

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway.
"What happened?" says the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!"
"Harry had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband.
"Oh, that's terrible," says the wife.
"I know," the husband answers. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."