Helen Jokes / Recent Jokes
How did Helen Keller know that her lesbian friend was wearing tight fitting jeans?
By reading her lips
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
someone put a plunger in the toliet
How did Helen Kellers parents punish her when she would misbehave?
They would rearange the living room.
Also leave the plunger in the toliet.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho MarxWe in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho MarxI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho MarxPolitics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho MarxEighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie MasonPerfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset MaughamThere's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavranMarriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinleyMen have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. - H. L. MenckenBachelors more...
Two nuns from Ireland must traverse through Transylvania by car. They are a bit on edge. Stopped on the side of the road to rest they are startled when suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Turn the wipers on! That will get
rid of the abomination!" Sister Helen switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What now?" "Switch on the windshield washer! I filled it up with Holy Water before we left, " says Sister Marilyn. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"My goodness, now what shall we do?" worries Sister Helen. "Show him your cross," says Sister Marilyn.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Helen as she rolls down the window, leans out and screams, "Get the fuck off more...
Helen: Mum, do you know what Im going to give you for your birthday? Mum: No, dear, what? Helen: A nice teapot. Mum: But Ive got a nice teapot. Helen: No you havent. Ive just dropped it.