Marilyn Jokes

Asked by GQ whether she fancied Tony Blair, Paris Hilston answered, “Who?”
Attagirl! That’s exactly what a star is supposed to be! More of today's celebrities need to take a page from old-time stars the way Paris has done. For example, when Soviet Premier Nikita Kruschev came here on a visit and requested an evening out with Marilyn Monroe, someone had to tell her who he was. Because Marilyn was like, “Krushchev WHO??”
That’s my girl! That’s when stars knew how to be stars and actors knew their place. After all, saying “Who’s Tony Blair?” is much smarter than saying “Bush is a Nazi!”

Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor. "What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives." Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then suddenly she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn't changed. "Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said. The owl said, "Who? more...

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?" she shouts. "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn. "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn as more...

Hear about the new Marilyn Monroe stamp?
When you lick it, you feel just like a Kennedy.

After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband "Wasmaking love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?" "Yes, she's dead to!""Was making love to me really the same as makinglove to Marilyn Monroe?" "Yes, she's dead to!"