Helen Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
- Paul Lynde: He's out of town
2. Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley Winters star in the movie,' What's The Matter With Helen?' Who plays Helen?
- Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver-that's why they asked the question
3. What are' dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?
- Paul Lynde: They give milk. .. and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies
4. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
- Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
5. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
- Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is up to him
6. Robert Young recently stated,' I never, never give. ..' something to his fans who ask for it. What?
- Paul Lynde: A hysterectomy
7. James more...
Heard at a rock concert at La Trobe University,
Melbourne Australia.
I had a major argument with my girlfriend, Helen. I was in the wrong,
but not enough to back down without an argument.
So after storming away, and cooling off, I had a think. I was
clearly in the wrong and felt pretty guilty, with all the trauma
it had caused.
So to make it up to Helen, I said I'd buy her a gift.
"Any thing at all, my love," I said, overcome with remorse.
"Oh, I don't know," replied Helen,"You really shouldn't do
this you know. But, if you are, just get me something
really expensive, that I don't need."
The following day I booked her in for chemotherapy.
Question: What does Helen Keller do with the other hand when she masturbates
Answer: Moans
Q. How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
A. There's a big wheel parked outside his house.
Q. What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
A. One was the first to walk on the moon and the other fucks little boys up the ass.
Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.
Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.
Q. What has 18 balls and 3 pubic hairs?
A. A Michael Jackson slumber party.
Q. Why does Hillary want to have sex with Bill Clinton first thing in the morning?
A. She wants to be the first lady.
Q. What's Bill Clinton's idea of safe sex?
A. When Hillary is out of town.
Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Q. How come Mike Tyson's eye's water during sex?
A. Mace
Q. What does Ellen DeGeneris cook for dinner every night?
A. She more...
Why didn't anybody hear Helen Keller scream when she fell off of the cliff?
She was wearing mittens.