Helpful Jokes / Recent Jokes

AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:- Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift.- Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom.- When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is.- Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut.- A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent.- For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nice appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Helpful advice for travellers: If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with you. BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at the SAME TIME with a bomb?

' Thank you for calling Technical Support.'

(This is kind of long... just like waiting for Tech Support)

All of our technicians are currently busy helping people even less competent than you, so please hold for the next available technician. The waiting time is now estimated at between fifteen minutes and eternity. In order to expedite your call, please punch your 63-digit product identification number onto your telephone touch pad, followed by your product serial number, which can be found in a secret compartment inside your computer where, for security purposes, it is printed in the smallest typeface known to mankind. Do that now.

(Lengthy excerpt from Mahler's' Lugubrious' Symphony in C Minor)

Thank you again for calling Technical Support. We recommend that you sit at your computer, preferably turning it on at some point, and have at hand all your floppy disks, CD-ROM disks, computer manuals and ori- ginal packing materials in order to more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Phone Won't Stop Ringing? Here's What You Do Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. more...

AVOID SOCIAL BLUNDERS WITH THESE HELPFUL WEDDING HINTS:- Livestock usually is a poor choice for a wedding gift. - Is it okay to bring a date to a wedding? Not if you are the groom. - When dancing, never remove undergarments; no matter how hot it is. - Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you cut. - A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost-effective, but also a proven fly deterrent. - For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a nice appearance. Though uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.