Hick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Cowboy said to a Rancher,' Is that your dog?'

The Rancher replied,' Yup.'

'Mind if I talk to him?'

'Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?'

The Cowboy replied,' So what's the harm? May I?'

'Go right ahead.' The Cowboy said to the dog,' Howdy!'

The dog replied,' Hello.' The Rancher's eyes pop wide.

The Cowboy continued,' Is this your master?'

'Yep, he sure is.'

'Does he treat you alright?'

'Sure does. Every day he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play.' Rancher was dumbfounded.

The Cowboy said to the Rancher,' Is that your horse over there?'

'Yes.'

'Do you mind if I talk to him?'

The Rancher replied,' I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk.'

'Well, then what would it hurt?'

'Go right ahead.'

The more...

A farmer in Arkansas and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting, he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"

She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it."

He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.

About half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and says, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig squealed, it's hard to tell."

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?' The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.' The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!' The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.' The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!' The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.' The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!' The would-be jumper replied,' Who?' With that the Alabama man said,' Jump you stupid yankee, jump!'

A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready. The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says,' Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin.' The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there, his father says,' Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon!' The son says,' Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!'' God, son! You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as heck isn't good enough for ours!'

A little game to play while you're bored at work and reading jokes... Say each of the items out loud and try to figure out what it's supposed to be.


1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (~a person~)
2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (~a fictional character~)
3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (~a person~)
4. MOW BEAD HICK (~a book~)
5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (~a person~)
6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (~a product~)
7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (~a thing~)
8. AISLE OH VIEW (~a phrase~)
9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (~a old TV show~)
10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (~a person~)
11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (~a person~)
12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (~a place~)
13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (~a fictional character~)
14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (~a movie~)
15. BUCK SPUN HE (~a fictional character~)





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Answers:

1. Jacques Cousteau

2. Santa Claus

3. Michael more...

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father,' What is this, Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded' Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son,' Go get your Mother.'

A fella was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.

He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees, and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.

Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that if ONE bee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.

An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung.

The city fella looked up and weakly said,' No, but doesn't that more...