Hick Jokes / Recent Jokes

A ventriloquist working down South, is confronted by atheater patron during his show. The hick stands up andyells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-assremarks about us southerners being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!""Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!""Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to thatlittle bastard sitting on your knee!"

Redneck Nativity Scene

In a small southern town, she saw a' Nativity Scene' that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.

One small feature bothered her: The three wise men were all wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, she left. At a quickie mart on the edge of town, she asked the gentleman behind the counter about the helmets.


He exploded into a rage, yelling at her,' You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!'

She assured him that indeed she did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible's baby Jesus story.

He jerked his Bible from behind the counter, ruffled thru some pages, and finally jabbed his finger at a passage. Sticking it in her face he said:' See, it says right here,' The three wise man came from' afar''.

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid Georgia hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over an d picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said: "This duck ain't from Georgia. This is a Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin' license, boy?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt and said: "This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's From Mississippi. You got a Mississippi license?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Mississippi hunting license.

The warden then more...

Many many years ago
when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters more,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's more...

A big city, Colorado, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and more...

' Your honor,' explained the young man,' I'd like to get married, please.'

'All right, what is your age?'

'I'm 22, sir.'

'And the age of the bride?'

'She's 15, sir.'

'15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!'

'I see,' said the young man.' Could you try explaining that to the fella next to her with the shotgun?'

A guy walks into a bar down in Arkansas and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around and says,' 'You ain't from around here... Where you from, boy?''.

The guy says,' 'I'm from Pennsylvania.''

The bartender asks,' 'What do you do up in Pennsylvania?''

The guy responds,' 'I'm a taxidermist.''

The bartender asks,' 'A taxidermist... what the hell is a taxidermist?''

The guy says,' 'I mount dead animals.''

The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar,' 'It's OK boys, he's one of us!''