Hick Jokes / Recent Jokes

After living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the' picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the old gal he's runnin' after."

A dying farmer is having trouble deciding which of his three sons to give his farm to. After calling them all in he says:

"I will give you each a duck and which ever one of you can get the most for it can have the farm."

After the brief meeting with their father all of the sons go out to sell the duck. The first son runs int a drunk that says he will give the son $100 for the duck. The second son find a kid who will give him $200 of his parents' money for the duck. The third son goes to a whore house and askes a prostitute if she will have sex with him for the duck and she agrees. After they have is the prostitute says:

"That was good let's do it again, I'll, um, give you this duck for it!"

An hour later the third son is walking with the duck and it goes into the middle of the road and gets hit by an eighteen-wheeler. The driver gets out and hands him a wad of cash for the duck. The next day the farmer more...

Two stupid farmers had this mule that was a very hard worker. The only problem was every time they went to put the mule back in his stall, his ears would brush the top of the entrance and then the old mule would go nuts and kick everything. One day, the farmers decided to cut a opening in the top to prevent this from happening. While they were working, a neighbor stopped by and asked what they were doing, so they explained the problem. The neighbor suggested that they could save a lot of work and time if they simply took a shovel and dug the entrance down a little bit. The farmers thanked their neighbor and he drove off. Then the one farmer said to the other,' Some stupid neighbor we have, it's not his feet that's too long, it's his ears!'

A married man goes to confessional and tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman - almost." The priest says, "What do you mean,' almost'?"

The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again. Now, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."

The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The man replied, "Well, Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!"

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.

A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens."

"Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!"

"Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"

Research had been going on for many years as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location. After a very long and exasperating study the researchers decided that the brush was invented in West Virginia because "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush."

The farm had been mortgaged to give daughter a college education. Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer Johnson was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered, "I have a confession to make, Paw - I ain't a virgin no more."

The old man shook his head sadly. "After all the sacrifices your Maw and I made to give you a good education, you still say' ain't'!"