High Jokes / Recent Jokes
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.
The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying, My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i. e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i. e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 more...
Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:
The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance;
Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated;
The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French;
The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked;
The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional more...
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say,' 'Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go' 'Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say' 'HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving more...
Every teen-ager should get a high school education. .. even if they already know everything
Confusius say,"Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."
You think about Korean martial arts everyday. You begin to sprinkle Korean words and phrases into your conversation. You have a Korean dictionary which you never use. When you see a magazine rack you quickly check for new martial arts magazines first and read the articles on Korean martial arts first. You always make it a point to check the martial arts section of the bookstore and look for Korean martial arts books first. You shop for clothes based on your ability to high kick in them. Adidas is your favorite sports clothing brand. You sewed your school patch onto your bathrobe. You tie your monogrammed bathrobe belt (which you never wash) into a square knot and then check to make sure the ends are exactly even. You open the refrigerator door with a roundhouse kick and shut it with a side kick. You develop a taste for Korean food and other Asian food as well. You develop an interest in Korean members of the opposite sex. You look more to your sabumnim/kwanjangnim for guidance and more...
A most distinguished looking lady walks into a tattoo parlor, and sits down. The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated woman in his seedy tattoo shop, goes over to the woman immediately and asks if he can help her.
To his shock, and utter delight, she lifts her designer dress, and points to her left inner thigh-very high up. “Right here, ” she says, “I want you to tattoo a turkey with the word ‘Thanksgiving’ under it. ”
Then she points to her right inner thigh-just as high up-and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo a Christmas tree, with lights and tinsel, and an angel on top. And underneath the tree I want the word ‘Christmas. ’”
The tattoo artist looks at her, puzzled. He says, “Lady, it’s none of my business, but that is the most unusual request I have ever had. Why in the world would you want that? ”
“Well, ” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there's never anything good more...