Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes

My husband and I had just finished tucking our young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy`s room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy`s ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband`s hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, dad!"

A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies.
The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math.
She asked her daughter, “Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you? ”
The girl replied, “No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math! ”

Boy: I heard you are getting married?
Girl: Yeahhaa!
Boy: But you love me?
Girl: Yes, but loving doesn’t mean I will marry with you….
Boy: Oh oo o ook……… then let me invite you to meet my wife and four kids!

Once upon a time Dracula decided to carry some sort of a competition to see which is the finest bat to stand on his side. So all the bats were honored to take part. The rules were simple. Whichever bat drinks more blood, will be the winner! So the first bat goes and comes back after 10 minutes. Her mouth was full of blood. Dracula says, "Congratulations, how did you do that?" The bat said, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a house. I went in and sucked the blood of all the family." "Very good" said Dracula. The second bat goes and comes back after 5 minutes all her face covered in blood. Astonished Dracula says, "How did you do that?" The bat replies, "Do you see that tower? Behind it there is a school. I went in and drunk the blood of all the children." "Impressive" said Dracula. Now the third bat goes and comes back after three minutes literally covered in blood from top to toe. Dracula is stunned. "How on more...

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He`s so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He`s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives more...

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver`s license?
Driver: I don`t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner`s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It`s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That`s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner`s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There`s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That`s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There`s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car
was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here more...

Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be," said Banta with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."