Hillary Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife, but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June."
Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! more...

Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?"Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected, they call her a more...

Hillary was finishing up a day as Senator for New York when the Devil suddenly appeared in her office and made her an offer..."I am here to offer you a deal," the Devil said. "I will give you unlimited wealth, even more power, and a media that will pander to your every whim. In return, all I ask for is your soul, the souls of every member of your family, and the souls of all your constituents."Hillary pondered for a moment and then asked, "Unlimited wealth and power?""Absolutely unlimited," the Devil asserted."A pandering media?" she asked."They'll fall over themselves to support you, no matter what you say or do," the Devil assured."And you want my soul, my family's souls, and the souls of my constituents?" she asked."Yes. All of them," the Devil answered.Hillary was deep in thought for a moment, then finally spoke:"So...what's the catch?"

As the Obama administration quickly morphs into Clinton II, Hillary Clinton is a frontrunner for the Secretary of State slot, with Bill offering to undergo an ethical review of his foundation to help make it happen.
The Secretary of State, of course, is fourth in line to assume the presidency should anything happen to the chief executive. With the Clintons' old cabinet already re-installed, Barack Obama and Joe Biden should watch their backs and never be in the same place at the same time. Or they'll go the way of Vince Foster, Ron Brown and Buddy the dog.

In a recent speech, Hillary Clinton apologized for her husband's comments about Obama at the South Carolina primary, where he said Jesse Jackson also won South Carolina when he ran for president, seemingly belittling Obama's success.

"I want to put that in context...We can be proud of both Jesse Jackson and Senator Obama," Hillary Cliton said.

"But that doesn't mean we can't beat them like a slave who just learned the alphabet."

In a speech Thursday, Bill Clinton said his wife is a "world-class genius in making positive changes in other people's lives."

Absolutely agree. For example, Hillary has definitely helped make a positive change in Barack Obama's life. He now leads her in the Iowa polls.

Hillary Clinton made a surprise return to her alma mater on Monday, picking up an honorary degree from Yale University. Bill Clinton also received a degree. After catching Bill checking out a few co-eds, Hillary gave him the third degree.