Hillbilly Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two hillbillies were having the blue plate special at their favorite watering hole when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing down a Possum Burger too fast.
The first Hillbilly said to the other, "Think we otta' help?"
"Yep," said the second Hillbilly.
The first Hillbilly got up and walked over to the lady and asked, "Kin yew breathe?"
She shook her head no.
"Kin yew speak?" he asked.
She again shook her head no.
With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt, pulled down her panties, and started licking her butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.
The first Hillbilly turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that there Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"
A hillbilly was in jail serving 30 years for robbing banks. After serving about 12 years he is notified that his Uncle Joe from Chicago has died and left him over $100, 000. The hillbilly was so happy when the warden said he would put it in trust untll he was released.
The warden asked him if there was anything he wanted to buy before tying the money up. The Hillbilly said he had read a lot about computers and wanted a computer. The warden said "sure" and got him a computer. A brand new Compaq computer. After a few weeks the warden visitied him in his cell to see how he was doing. To his amazement he saw the computer smashed on the floor.
The warden asked the Hillbilly what happened. The Hillbilly said it didn't work right and he got mad. He said it would not even complete the simplest task.
The warden asked him what he wanted the computer to do. The Hillbilly said he just wanted one thing from the computer. One simple task and it could not more...
Q: Did you hear about the hillbilly that passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his widow?
A: She can't touch it till she turns fourteen.
The young hillbilly came home one day and told his father that he had found the girl of his dreams and intended to be married.
"She's beautiful, 16 years old, and a virgin."
The father replied, "No son of mine will ever marry a girl like that! If she's not good enough for her father and brothers,. .. she's not good enough for you!"
This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over."You got any I. D.?" the patrolman asked.""'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.
A hillbilly comes home and tells his mom that when they shower after gym class he notices he's the most sexually developed boy in the whole 8th grade class.
"Do you suppose it's due to our good hillbilly genes and all the home cooked vittles you make?" he asks.
"It's possible," his mom says "but more than likely it's because you're nineteen years old."
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, theytalk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there' Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"