Hillbilly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hillbilly gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a woman before.

So he calls up his dad and asks him, "What do I do first?"

His dad says, "Take her clothes off and put her in bed. "

The hillbilly calls his dad 5 minutes later and says, "She's naked and in bed what do I do now?"

His dad says, "Take your clothes off and get in bed."

He calls back 5 minutes later and says, "I'm naked and in bed with her what do I do now?"

His dad's patience is now running out so he says, "Look son do I have to spell everything out? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees!"

The hillbilly calls up 5 mins later and says, "OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?"

Two very drunk hillbillies were driving down a mountain road when suddenly they blew a tire, lost control of the car and went sailing over the cliff's edge.
As they plummeted downward, the hillbilly on the passenger side screamed hysterically, "Oh, my God, Clem, we're gonna die!"
"Aw, don't worry about a thing," Clem reassured him, looking below. "There's a stop sign at the bottom."
The hillbilly was whitewashing the interior of his country outhouse and had the misfortune of falling through the opening. Standing knee-deep in shit, he hollered, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded to the alarm on the double, with tires squealing and sirens screaming as they skidded to a halt in front of the privy.
"Where's the fire?" called the chief.
"Ain't no fuckin' fire," replied the farmer as they hoisted him out of the two-holer, "but who the hell would've rescued me if more...

Three hillbillies were sitting on the porch. The first hillbilly said "My wife is so dumb, yesterday she drug home a brand new washer and dryer, and we ain't even got electricity!" The second hillbilly said "My wife is stupider than yers, yesterday she brings home a new dishwasher, and we ain't even got runnin water!"
The third hillbilly said "My wife is even stupider! Yesterday I was in the kitchen and I saw her purse on the table. Everything was spilled out of it and there was a bunch of rubbers layin there... and she ain't even got a dick!"

There was a reporter from the city stuck in a small mountainous town in W.Va. He decided to use the time by getting a good story to submit to his boss. He saw an old man sitting outside a local store and went over to begin the interview.
"Sir, I am writing a story about people in this area and would like to include an interesting story from you. Is there any particular story that you would like to share?"
The old hillbilly smiled to himself as he thought back on a time. "Well, thar was the time I lost my sheep. We gathered up a bunch of the boys, got some moonshine in us and went off after it. When we found the sheep, we all took turns screwing it....my, that was fun!"
The reporter couldn't write a story about that so he asked for another.
"Well, when my neighbor's wife got lost, we all gathered up and got drunk and went out to look for her. We had a good time taking turns with her when we found her, too. Damn that was a lot of more...

There was a reporter from the city stuck in a small mountainous town in W.Va. He decided to use the time by getting a good story to submit to his boss. He saw an old man sitting outside a local store and went over to begin the interview."Sir, I am writing a story about people in this area and would like to include an interesting story from you. Is there any particular story that you would like to share?"The old hillbilly smiled to himself as he thought back on a time. "Well, thar was the time I lost my sheep. We gathered up a bunch of the boys, got some moonshine in us and went off after it. When we found the sheep, we all took turns screwing it....my, that was fun!"The reporter couldn't write a story about that so he asked for another."Well, when my neighbor's wife got lost, we all gathered up and got drunk and went out to look for her. We had a good time taking turns with her when we found her, too. Damn that was a lot of fun!"The reporter was more...

The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance.

His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says "Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin."

The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there his father says "Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon."

The son, almost out of breath from his run to the house says "Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!!!!"

"Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for ours!"

Q. What do you call a hillbilly who owns sheep and goats.
A. Bisexual.