Hillbilly Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to
buy a chain saw?
He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later
complaining that it only
cut one tree and that took all day.
The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the
problem was.
The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?

A hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The husband jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready. The wife comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says,' Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin.' The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there, his father says,' Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon!' The son says,' Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!'' God, son! You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as heck isn't good enough for ours!'

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which.2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes.3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would.4) Act like a hillbilly. Period.5) Improvise Italian operas.6) Gossip about someone to their face.7) Answer every question with a question.8) Repeat yourself constantly.9) Act like a member of the opposite sex.10) Repeat yourself constantly.11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons.12) Repeat yourself constantly.13) Change what you repeat every now and then.14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks.15) Change what you repeat every now and then.16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else.17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries.18) Change what you repeat every now and then.19) One word: Caffeine.20) Another word or two: Caffeine more...

The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance. His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says "Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin." The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there his father says "Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon." The son, almost out of breath from his run to the house says "Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!!!!""Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for ours!"

A hillbilly went hunting one day in Georgia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered the hillbilly to show his hunting license; the hillbilly pulled out a valid Georgia hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over an d picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said: "This duck ain't from Georgia. This is a Tennessee duck. You got a Tennessee huntin' license, boy?"
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Tennessee hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt and said: "This ain't no Tennessee duck. This duck's From Mississippi. You got a Mississippi license?"

The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Mississippi hunting license.

The warden then more...

A hillbilly's old wife sent him to town to get something to rid the place of moths that had troubled them. The druggist sold him a box of mothballs.
Months later, the hill man came into the drugstore, complaining that: "Them mothballs wouldn't work nohow, noway. Marthy and me we aimed carefully, too. But we ain't hit a single moth! Maybe you got a bigger size, like one of them pool table balls."

1) Pretend to be one of the Bush family. Doesn't matter which. 2) Have an uncontrollable lusting for someone else every five minutes. 3) Pretend to be from different ethnic backgrounds every hour, and when people ask you about it, answer like a hillbilly would. 4) Act like a hillbilly. Period. 5) Improvise Italian operas. 6) Gossip about someone to their face. 7) Answer every question with a question. 8) Repeat yourself constantly. 9) Act like a member of the opposite sex. 10) Repeat yourself constantly. 11) Act like Mr. Flanders from The Simpsons. 12) Repeat yourself constantly. 13) Change what you repeat every now and then. 14) Use homonyms in your e-male that the spell cheque would knot sea as miss steaks. 15) Change what you repeat every now and then. 16) Talk to someone while looking at somebody else. 17) Employ in your casual banter extensive vocabulary that will befuddle thy contemporaries. 18) Change what you repeat every now and then. 19) One word: Caffeine. 20) Another word more...