Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.

She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"

He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.

He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.

The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?"

"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

Jake was watching vigilantly at his dying wife's side. ''Sleep now, its all right,'' he told her. But she kept trying to sit up and said, ''Honey, I really need to tell you something.'' Finally Jake let her get it off her chest.
''Jake, honey, I need to tell you something before I die. During the last two months, I slept with your brother, your best friend and your father.''
''Don't worry about it,'' Jake said, ''I allready know. Why do you think I poisoned you?''

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female."
This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
At this Little Johnny's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God isboth male and female."This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?""Well, God is both black and white."This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless,"Honey, God is both gay and straight."At this Little Johnny? s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"

The newlywed anxiously waited for her husband to arrive home from work. As soon as he walked through the door, she excitedly said, "I have great news honey. Soon, we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
He rushed over to her, smiling from ear to ear, took her in his arms and kissed her passionately.
"Oh, I'm so happy you feel this way since tomorrow morning my mother is moving in with us!" she said.

While standing in his field one day a farmer was approached by a little boy who asked, "Hey Mr farmer, I would like to get a bucket of milk from your Bull if you don't mind."

The farmer said, "Wait a minute son, you get milk from a cow not bulls."

"Not where I come from," said the boy. He goes away and comes back later with a bucket of milk.

The boy returns later saying, "Hey Mr farmer, I see you have a Honeysuckle patch at the end of your road, I'd like to get a bucket of honey if you don't mind."

The farmer says, "Wait a minute son, honey comes from bees not honeysuckles."

"Not where I come from", says the little boy. He goes away and returns later with the bucket of honey saying, "Thanks Mr farmer".

The farmer has a shocked look on his face as the little boy walks away. Shortly thereafter the little boy returns saying, "Hey Mr Farmer, I notice more...

My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."

I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.

I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."

"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted.

"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"

"In the lake!"