Honeymoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, “That’s one. ” The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.
A bit further down the path, the woman’s horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, “That’s two! ” He returns to his saddle and they move on.
As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman’s horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman’s horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, “That’s more...

Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend).
Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.
Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years.
Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor.
Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.
Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on.
Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a more...

The hillbilly man and his new bride were on their honeymoon. The first night the hillbilly anxiously jumps into bed to wait for his wife to get herself ready for a little romance.His new bride comes out of the bathroom in a sexy negligee and says "Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm a virgin."The man grabs his clothes and rushes out of the house yelling at the top of his lungs. He heads straight to his father's house. When he gets there his father says "Son, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be on your honeymoon."The son, almost out of breath from his run to the house says "Dad, my new wife told me a big secret of hers. She's a virgin!!!""Damn son. You did the right thing by leaving. If she wasn't good enough for her family, she sure as hell isn't good enough for ours!"

Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days, or you will get a Weak End (Weekend).Don't keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.Don't Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and she'll last for many years.Every man has it in his power to make one woman happy...by remaining a bachelor.Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.Forecast for Wedding... Expected development of warm front, with extreme turbulence and moisture in lower regions. Good possibility of six inches overnight. Sun (son) is expected later on.Friend of groom giving a toast: Here's a toast to your new bride who has more...

An elderly couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
"We'll go to all the same places we went to on our first honeymoon," the old woman said.
"Yup," said the old man.
"We'll do all the things we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.
"Uh-huh," the old man replied.
"And, we'll make love like we did on our first honeymoon," the old woman added.
"Yup," replied the old man, "except, this time, I get to sit on the edge of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!"

A young couple were married and they were having sex all the time during their honeymoon, but when the honeymoon was over they had to adjust their sex schedule to their work schedule. so every day the husband would get home at 5 o'clock, and every day they would go to bed at 5:15. in the door at 5, in the sack at 5:15. this went on for months, never missing a day until the wife came down with the flu and went to the doctor to get a flu shot. the shot killed all the germs inside her except for three, and these three germs were huddled together inside her body talking over their survival plans. one germ said, 'I am going to hide between two toes on her left foot, I don't think the antibiotics will find me there'.
A second exclaimed, 'I am going to hide behind her right ear, I don't think they'll find me there.'
The last germ said, 'I don't know about you guys, but when that 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it!'

A Scot meets a friend at a train station and explains he's off to Glasgow on his honeymoon.
His friend asks, "And just where is your wife."
"She's seen Glasgow." the groom replied.