Honeymoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple, both in their eighties, had just gotten married and are on their honeymoon. When they reach their hotel room, she slips into something sexy and crawls into bed to wait for her groom who's in the bathroom sprucing himself up.
She waits and waits until she can't wait any longer, so she gets up and goes to the bathroom. Opening the door and peeking in, she sees him struggling to put on a condom.
Letting out a giggle, she says, "Honey, what are you doing? I'm in my eighties and can't get pregnant anymore."
"Yes, I know, dear," he replies, "but you know how the dampness affects my arthritis."

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time more...

The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's "Car Train" to Florida, so they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train's upper berths together and cuddled. As the nite progressed, the new bride was heard to say quite excitedly a number of times, "I just can't believe that we're finally married Kenny." After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of the dark, "God dammit Kenny !!! Will you please convince her so's we can all get some sleep ???"

A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night.The bride rolled over and said, "That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?"The husband replied "Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it.""That's nice honey" she replied, "What did it look like after you rooted it?""Like a bulldog eating porridge" the husband replied.

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to each other. The groom's best man takes him aside and asks what is wrong.
"Well," replied the man "when we had finished making love on the first night, as I got up to go to the bathroom I put a $50 bill on the pillow without thinking."
"Oh, you shouldn't worry about that too much," said his friend.
"I'm sure your wife will get over it soon enough - she can't expect you to have been saving yourself all these years!"
The groom nodded gently and said, "I don't know if I can get over this though... She gave me $20 change!"

This couple just got married and was spending their honeymoon at a secluded campgrounds next to a small lake. Every day the new bridegroom was seen in a boat on the lake fishing.

Two old timers who was always setting on the dock thought it kinda funny that the groom was spending all his time on the lake. Well, their curiosity got the best of them and they confronted him when he came in for lunch. The first old man said, " Son when I first got married me and my wife spent every day of our honeymoon in bed... well you know!"

The new groom said, "well, normally that's what I would do, But she... well, she's got gonorrhea." The second old man said, " well son haven't you ever heard about oral sex? everybody's doing it these days." The groom says, "yes I have heard about that, but she also has pyorrhea."

The first old man looks at the second old man, and they both nod to each other and offered this advice. more...

Dick and Sandra were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. Sandra said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."

"Uh huh," said Dick.

"Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Sandra.

"Uh huh," said Dick.

"And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked
Sandra.

"That's right," said Richard, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry,' It's too big, it's too big!'"