Hood Jokes / Recent Jokes

Son: Pop... what is the Ramayan stuff that all my friends in school talk about..

Pop: So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step mom, or somethin', was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, you know, send this cool dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or reserve or somethin'.

Since he was going, for like, somethin' like more than 10 years or so, he decided to take his wife and his bro along. You know... so that they could all chill out together. But dude, the forest was reeeeeeal scary shit, really man, they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.

But this dude, Ram, kicked their ass with darts, bows and arrows, so it was fine. But then some bad boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, were our man, and his bro Lakshman, pissed! And you don't piss this son-of-a-gunz' coz, he just kicks ass and like, all the gods were with more...

Big Bad Wolf:
The big bad wolf said to Little Red Riding Hood, "unbutton your blouse and let me suck your tits." "Fuck off," she replied as she tugged down her panties. "Eat me, like the fuckin' book says."
Pinocchio:
Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gepetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls now?" "Who needs girls?" replied Pinocchio.
Cinderella:
Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two more...

Q. What little girl takes from the rich and gives to the poor?
A. Little Red Robbin' Hood!

Big Daddy's Rap - The Lord's Prayer
Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, - Our Father, who art in heaven
You be chillin - Hallowed be thy name
So be yo hood - Thy Kingdom come
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it - Thy will be done
In this here hood and yo's - On earth as it is in heaven
Gimme some eats - Give us this day our daily bread
And cut me some slack, Blood - And forgive us our trespasses
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me - As we forgive those who trespass against us
Don't be pushing me into no jive - And lead us not into temptation
and keep dem Crips away - But deliver us from evil
'Cause you always be da Man - For thine is the Kingdom, the power and the glory, forever and ever.
aiight

What is the difference between a wicker basket and a wicker box? A wicker basket is what little red riding hood took to grandma's house.A wicker box is what Elmer Fudd did to little red riding hood.

Once ther was an insurance saleman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway.
All of a sudden he hears a voice that says " Its the carborator "
The insurance man jumps, and looks around, seeing no one. He then looks under the hood again hoping it is something visible that he could fix himself, when he hears the voice again " Its the carborator "
The man jumps again and turns around only seeing a large Brahma bull behind him. Scared out of his wits he takes off running to the nearest farm house he can see.
He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, the man immediately goes into his speal about the bull.
The farmer scratches his head and says " Does he have one straight ear and one floppy ear? "
The man nods "Yes, Yes ".
The farmer laughs and more...

1. Turn the radio on. When the instructor's hand reaches to turn
it off, slap his/her hand.
2.Rev the car really high, turn to the instructor, and say with an
evil look, "Buckle Up!"
3.Come dressed in a suit.Before the examiner gets in the car,
ask him/her to put a peice of saran wrap so he doesn't get the
seat dirty.
4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch
and say, "oops!"
5.Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which
one is the gas again?"
6.Fill your car with beer bottles.
7. After the instructor gets in the car, pop the hood, get out
and the oil.
8. Throughout the entire test, talk about how Aunt Gertrude
smells like mothballs.
9.Swear at everybody on the road.
10. Tell the Registar that you are taking the remidial test.
11. When your at a red light look back and forth between the
light and the person next to you.
12.Beep your horn at more...