Horny Jokes / Recent Jokes

2 4 6 8 feelin horny cnt wait,3 5 7 9 want ur body next 2 mine, a b c d cum and lay on top of me, u v w x cal me when ya wanna have sex!!!

How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?
Pick him up and start sucking his dick.

Q. Why do horny women order at Subway?
A. Footlongs

A man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far asCleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was told to say 10, 000 Hail Mary's. So he went on driving and praying. By the time he got through with the 10, 000 Hail Mary's, he was approachingSan Francisco. Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy. Again there was asevere guilt reaction, so he went to confession. It was an old Irish priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's". The man said, "What?? In Cleveland, I had to say 10, 000 Hail Mary's for the same thing. Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking in Cleveland?".

I'm so horny, I get aroused when I squeeze into a tight parking place.

A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, and the bird keeps saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.

The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny male parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."

The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are you waiting for?"

Finally, the guy says "All right" and hands over the fifteen dollars.

The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain.

Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" The cage starts shaking and feathers come flying out.

The vet says, "Holy gee," and runs across the room and opens the curtain.

The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage with one claw. more...

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify.
She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?"
A little girl raised her hand.
"Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?"
"It's a cow, teacher."
"Very good, Janie," said the teacher.
Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "What does your mommy call your daddy when she's trying to be 'lovey-dovey'?"
Instantly, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, teacher. It's a big horny bastard!"