Horse Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy was sitting in his chair when his wife smacks him with a rolled up newspaper. He looked at her and said, "What was that for?"
His wife replied, "I found a note in your pants pocket that said Loose Lucy on it."
The guys said, "Oh, that's not a girl, honey... That was the name of the horse I bet on for the race."
The next day the guys wife hits him in the head with a fring pan.
When he wakes up he says, "What the hell was that for?"
His wife says, "Your horse called."
If Jack helped you off your horse, later would you return the favor and help Jack off his horse?
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he cant jump at all. Well neither can a fence!
Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
'Good morning,' said the young man.' If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'
'Go away!' I said.' I haven't got any money!',' I'm broke!' and proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.' Don't be too hasty!' he said.' Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.
'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'
I stepped back and said,' Well I hope you've got a f*****g good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning. What part of' broke' do you not understand?'
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and having been told that there was a fortune to be made in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. At the local auction, however, the going price for a horse was so steep that he ended up buying a donkey instead.
The preacher decided that he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise, the donkey came in third. The next day, the racing sheets carried the following headline: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS.
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and this time it won. The headlines blared: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT.
The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher to not enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this headline: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS.
This was just too much for the bishop, and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal. The preacher decided to give it more...
An Amish man named Smith was injured when he and his horse was struck by a car at an intersection. Smith sued the driver. In court, he was cross-examined by the driver's lawyer:
Lawyer: "Mr. Smith, you've told us all about your injuries. But according to the accident report, you told the investigating officer at the scene that you were not injured at all?"
Smith: Well, let me explain. When the officer arrived at the scene, he first looked at my horse. He said' Looks like he has a broken leg,' and then he took out his gun and shot the horse. He then came up to me and asked me how I was doing. I of course immediately said "I'm fine!"