Host Jokes / Recent Jokes
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word' manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.
A guest visited a family from afar. Though the host had many chickens and ducks milling around his courtyard, he told his guest that he didn't dare to ask him to stay for dinner due to his shortage of suitable food for dinner. The guest instantly asked the host to lend him a knife to kill his riding horse so they could eat it for dinner. The host asked," Then, how can you ride home?" The guest answered," Just lend me one of your fowls to ride."
- Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
- 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
- Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
- 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
- 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
- 91% lie regularly, so you can just throw away statistics like these based on their answers *grin*
- 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
- 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
- 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
- 90% believe in divine retribution (but apparently not for lying)
- 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
- 82% believe in an afterlife.
- 45% believe in ghosts.
- 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
- 29% are virgins when they marry.
- 58.4% have called into work sick when we more...
A man was invited for dinner at a friend''s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
His friend looked at him and said, "That''s really nice after all of these years you''ve been married to keep saying those little pet names."
The host said, "Well, honestly, I''ve forgotten her name.
A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a. .." The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor." "Sorry," said the MC. "That's incorrect." "Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian. "Wrong," said the host. "Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian. "That's correct!" shouted the MC. "Now for $200,000, spell farm." The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully: "E-I-E-I-O."
A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."
The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name.
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink." "Why is that," the host asked? Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks. .. anyone can!"