Howard Jokes / Recent Jokes
Mavs forward Josh Howard was caught on video disrespecting the American national anthem before a charity flag-football game. In his defense, he was so high at the time he thought he was in Paraguay.
& Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2, 025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.
"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2, 025 pigs?" she asked.
"Yeth." lisped the farmer.
Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
In the midst of the shaky stock market we have had this week many brokers are getting calls from their clients requesting they liquidate their holdings. One broker recounts such a call.
One of my clients call me on Thursday all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice.
He says to me "Howard sell it all sell everything, fast right away."
I try to explain to him that the market is cyclical in nature and that for long term outlook stocks still remain the place to be.
He says" John, let me tell you a secret. You know I've been married for 6 years now and I've been your client for 5."
"yes go on" I say.
"Well. My wife Lucie has this thing about the market. It's a phobia of sorts. When we got married I promised her that I would follow in her parents footsteps and never venture in the stock market and always leave all our money under the mattress. Her Great Grandparents lost it all in the great crash and ever more...
Several teams around the NBA have expressed interest in Dallas Mavericks wingman Josh Howard. The All-Star forward could be dealt as early as 4:20.
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2, 025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly."Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2, 025 pigs?" she asked."Yeth." lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Howard aged 92 lives in a seniors home. Everyday he uses to take a walk in the garden and whenever he is tired he used to sit on a bench and think of his past accomplishents. There came Mildred aged 82 who used to do the same thing like Howard and on that day happend to sit beside Howard on the same bench. They started a conversation which lasted for hours and finally Mildred asked Howard what he misses most in his life. Howard replied "SEX"
Mildred: "You old fart even if I a hold a gun at your
head you will never get the standup at this age"
Howard: "But Mildred it will be nice if a
woman can hold my manhood for some pleasure"
Mildred: "Suely I can oblige you" and then she unziped Howard and held his manhood gently for him to get the satisfaction he wanted. This became a habit and they both enjoyed doing it everyday as a routine.
One day to Mildred's surprise Howard was not there and she wandered about in the more...
The Pope made a decision to grant absolution to three sinners.
The first person before him was Howard Stern. "What is your sin?" asked the Pope. "I have offended people all over the country," replied Howard.
"Kneel down," replied the Pope. "I shall bless you and grant you absolution."
Next before him was Bill Clinton. "What is your sin?" asked the Pope. "I have cheated on my wife," Bill answered.
"Kneel down," said the Pope. "I shall bless you and grant you absolution."
The third sinner was then before the Pope. "What is your name?" he asked. "Monica Lewinsky."
"Perhaps it would be best if you remain standing!" the Pope said.