Hug Jokes / Recent Jokes

Brian had asked Dave to help him out with cutting his rather large garden hedge after work, so Dave went straight over to Brian`s home. When they got to the front door, Brian went straight up to his wife, gave her a big hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her excellent cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her.
Once they were cutting the privet, Dave told Brian that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Brian said that he` d started this about six months ago, it had revived their marriage, and things couldn`t be better. Dave thought he` d give it a go.
When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Dave was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, `This is the worst day of my life. First, little Nigel fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine more...

There was a disco at a local university and a fella asked a girl from Sweden to dance.

While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and said, "In Australia, we call this a hug."

"Yaah," she replied. "In Sveden, we call it a hug, too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and said, "In Australia, we call this a kiss."

"Yaah, in Sveden we call it a kiss, too."

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to root her.

Lying together afterwards, he turns to her and grins, "In Australia, we call that a grass sandwich."

"Yah, in Sveden we call it a grass sandwich, too, but we usually put more meat in it."

While walking down the street one day a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

Welcome to Heaven says St. Peter. Before you settle in it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts you see so we are not sure what to do with you.

No problem just let me in. says the Republican.

Well I would like to but I have orders from higher up. What we will do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.

Really I have made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven says the Republican head of state.

I am sorry but we have our rules. And with that St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down down down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and more...