Ourselves Jokes

Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies. .. (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If more...

So we were lying on our backs on the grass in the park next to our hamburger wrappers, my 14-year-old son and I, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, "Dad, why are we here?"
And this is what I said.
"I've thought a lot about it, son, and I don't think it's all that complicated. I think maybe we're here just to teach a kid how to bunt, turn two and eat sunflower seeds without using his hands.
We're here to pound the steering wheel and scream as we listen to the game on the radio, 20 minutes after we pulled into the garage. We're here to look all over, give up and then find the ball in the hole.
We're here to watch, at least once, as the pocket collapses around John Elway, and it's fourth-and-never. Or as the count goes to 3 and 1 on Mark McGwire with bases loaded, and the pitcher begins wishing he'd gone on to med school. Or as a little hole you couldn't get a skateboard through suddenly opens in front of Jeff Gordon with a lap to more...

After an exhausting 12-hour drive to our honeymoon destination in Daytona Beach, Fla., my husband and I decided to refresh ourselves with a dip in the motel pool.
I must have dropped a few pounds to pre-wedding jitters, because each time I dived into the pool, I lost either the top or bottom of my skimpy new bikini.
Having the pool to ourselves, my husband thought it was exciting at first to keep my swimsuit from me. In the attempt to retrieve my swimsuit I noticed just how excited he was by his massive erection.
With very little struggle we got his swimsuit off and engaged in a
round of hide the salami before going back to our room to finish.
Later we dressed for dinner and went down to the motel restaurant. Waiting for a table, we sat in the lounge and ordered drinks.
Above the bar was a huge, empty, glistening fish tank. Curious, my husband asked, "Why is such a beautiful fish tank empty?"
The bartender grinned from ear to ear as he more...

Why it`s better to be a Woman!

1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend`s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We`ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don`t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies. .. (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we`re gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE`RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new more...

We kid ourselves if we think that the ratio of procedure to data in an active data-base system can be made arbitrarily small or even kept small.