Newly Jokes

The young newly married Catholic couple were regular attendants at Mass. As like all newly married couples, they were in a constant state of arousal. Well they didn't want to do anything wrong so they approached their Parish Priest for advice.
Father, the young couple asked... "is it ok to have sex before Mass ?"
The not so young Priest responded after a few moments of reflection... "yes my children it's ok to have sex before Mass .. but please don't block the aisles..."

A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said "May I have one of those? " The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards? " Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to' em too."

The young newly married Catholic couple were regular attendants at Mass. As like all newly married couples, they were in a constant state of arousal. Well they didn't want to do anything wrong so they approached their Parish Priest for advice.Father, the young couple asked... "is it ok to have sex before Mass ?"The not so young Priest responded after a few moments of reflection... "yes my children it's ok to have sex before Mass .. but please don't block the aisles..."

this newly wed couple were on there honey moon and where about to have sex: wife: before we do this i have something i have to tell u. husband: we're married now, u can tell me anything. wife: i'm flat chested. husband: i don't believe u..prove it. So she takes off her shirt. husband: holy shit i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too. wife: we're married now u can tell me anything. husband: im "weighed like a baby". wife: i don't believe you, prove it. So he takes off his pants. wife: i thought u sayed u were weighed like a baby?! husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!