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The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world" there. Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and said "May I have one of those ?" The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of those bastards ?" Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of those Son-of-a-Bitches next to 'em too."

The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee."Guess what I got planned for dinner?" she asked seductively. "And don't you dare tell me you had it for lunch today."

The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the
house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the
proper tools to do the odd jobs needed. She made a trip to the local
hardware store and quickly learned that it was truly a "man's world"
there.

Thinking that she might be taken advantage of if she let on that she
was indeed a novice, she made a determined effort to look and sound as
if she knew what she was doing. Completing her first group of
purchases she took them to the clerk at the counter and looking behind
him she discovered she hadn't bought any files. She pointed to one and
said "May I have one of those? "

The clerk, unsure of what she was indicating said, "What... one of
those bastards? "

Without a pause, she said, "Yeah! And ya better give me a few of
those Son-of-a-Bitches next to' em too."

On the Kurunegala main road there appeared an advertisement from the leading condom producers, on the importance of safe sex and the dangers of many a fatal illness which could result in carefree sex.
A smart guy walking on the road was much taken up by the advertisement and painted the following slogan in double meaning, big as ever.....
M A K U W O T H H I R A Y! !! ( turn it around )
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++==

The newly married native doctor moved into his new house soon after his honeymoon and fixed a newly painted board with his name and title, though he was still on matrimonial leave. The board read thus:
WAIDYACHARA PREMALOKA KALA NIDHI.
A adventourous guy in the area knowing the doctor who had a late marriage and was still on leave, simply added an
HU in front of the title KALA NIDHI.....! !!

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this newly wed couple were on there honey moon and where about to have sex: wife: before we do this i have something i have to tell u. husband: we're married now, u can tell me anything. wife: i'm flat chested. husband: i don't believe u..prove it. So she takes off her shirt. husband: holy shit i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too. wife: we're married now u can tell me anything. husband: im "weighed like a baby". wife: i don't believe you, prove it. So he takes off his pants. wife: i thought u sayed u were weighed like a baby?! husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor. "As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say,' I'm a Sperm.' She will answer,' I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?" The sperm nodded affirmatively.

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes immediately and runs to the tunnel. A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm. He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, "Hi, I'm a sperm!"

The red sticky ball more...

There was a proper Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him out to a golf course for a round of golf. The man had never played the game before.
Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. The man replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. . . "
The man continued, "Name of game is' Oh Sh**.'"