Hundred Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's grey and moves at a hundred miles an hour? A jet propelled elephant!

The Clintons and Al Gore are flying on Air Force One. Laughing, Bill looks at Al and says, "I could throw a $100 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."
Shrugging his shoulders, Al replies, "I could throw ten $10 bills out the window and make ten people happy."
Tossing her perfectly hair-sprayed hair, Hillary says, "Well then, I could throw one hundred $1 bills out the window and make one hundred people very happy."
Chelsea looks at the three of them, rolls her eyes and says, "I could throw all of you out the fucking window and make the whole country happy!"

Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

It's just not right. Thousands of pilots in our very own country are living at or just below the six
figure salary line. And if that weren't bad enough, many of them may go several weeks or months
without a paycheck if they are forced by American Airlines management to strike. But now you can
help. For about three hundred dollars a day ~ that's less than the price of a 25" television set ~
you can help keep a pilot economically viable during their time of need.
Three hundred dollars a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to a pilot, it could mean
the difference between a vacation fishing in Florida or a Mediteranean cruise.
For you, three hundred dollars is nothing more than half a month's rent or mortgage payment. But to a
pilot, three hundred dollars a day will almost replace his or her salary.
Three hundred dollars a day will enable a pilot to upgrade his or her home computer, buy that new
100" television set, more...

A BILL TO REGULATE THE HUNTING AND HARVESTING OF ATTORNEYS372. 01 - Any person with a valid California state rodent or deer hunting license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting (non-commercial) purposes. 372. 02 - Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of United States currency as bait is, however, prohibited. 372. 03 - The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney should be removed to the roadside and the vehicle should proceed to the nearest car wash. 372. 04 - It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or fixed-wing aircraft. 372. 05 - It is unlawful to shout "Whiplash!", "Ambulance!", or "Free Scotch!" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 372. 06 - It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred more...

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied. "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool around with women?" inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well, then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?"

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is Hank home?" he asks.
"No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies.
"Would you mind if I wait?" he asks.
"No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says.
They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and lets him see one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit a while longer and Ben says, "They really are so beautiful. I just have to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see both of them together."
Laura thinks about it and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and gives Ben a nice long look. He thanks her, throws more...