Hunt Jokes / Recent Jokes
Bear hunter- Joe
Talking bear- Rick
Joe went into the woods to hunt down a bear. After searching for an hour or two he came across a beautiful golden brown bear. Joe snuck up on him and shot him. He tied up his feet and started carrying him back. On his way to his truck Rick came in front of him and said, "Now, Joe, you just shot there my poor little brother. Now I can either beat you like crazy for doing that, or you can have sex with me." Joe thought about this for a moment or two. He didn't like the first option so he chose to have sex with Rick.
Two weeks later Joe went back out into the woods, a little sore, and went looking for another bear to hunt down. He came across a beautiful golden brown bear. It was a bit bigger than the last one so he shot it. Joe tied up his feet and started carrying him back. On his way to his truck he ran into Rick again. Rick said, "Now, Joe, you just there shot my mother. I can either beat you like crazy for doing that or more...
A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal. A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog. When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt." Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond." "That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it." Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond. "Now send him back and have him count!" said the man. The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He more...
HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Leave
HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because she's too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12a. Hit "cancel"
12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check more...
A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him. He dismounts and comes walking into the bar where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around with his dog sniffing ever table, chair and small corner of the bar. After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he's doing. And the guy replies - "I'm hunting you idiot... can't you see that!" "OK, OK..." says the barman, "Would you like a drink while you hunt? ". Immediately the hunter says, " Do you have any cheap Gin! !?". Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies, "No I'm sorry I'm all out of the cheap stuff is there anything else you'd like? "." No" says the hunter and he starts to leave. As he reaches the door the barman calls after him, "Btw pal... exactly what do you hunt?" " I hunt more...
Pete is taking his friend hunting, but when they get to his favorite hunting spot, they notice 'No Trespassing' signs posted everywhere. He tells his friend to wait in the car and walks up to the nearby farmhouse. The farmer answers the door, and Pete says, "Sir, I've been hunting on this property all my life, but I notice that you now have a bunch of 'No Trespassing' signs posted. I wanted to see if it was still OK for me to hunt here."
The farmer tugs on his beard for a bit, and replies, "I'll make a deal with you. We have this cow out back that we have to kill for food, but we've grown too attached to it. If you go out back and shoot my cow, I'll let you hunt on my property."
Pete walks back to the car and decides to play a joke on his friend. "That miserable old bugger won't let us hunt on his property," he says. "I'm going to shoot his damn cow!" He then walks over to the side of the house and... BAM!
Suddenly, two more shots more...