Hunter Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day there was this fly flying about six inches above the water.
There was a fish in the water thinking if that fly would just drop six inches i could jump up and eat it
A little ways away there was a bear thinking if that fly would only drop six inches, the fish would junp up, and i could snatch the fish
Farther away there was a hunter thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, the fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch the fish, and i could shoot the bear.
Behind the hunter there was a rat thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, that fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch, the fish the hunter would shoot the bear, and i could get that sandwich in his back pocket.
Behind the rat there was a cat that was thinking if that fly would just drop six inches, that fish would jump up and snatch the fly, the bear would snatch the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, the rat would get the sandwich, and i could more...

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?" The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife." "Whats he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter. "My wife."

A big game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her.

In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight. His mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.

The wife said, "What are we going to do?"

"Nothing," said the hunter, "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."

My roommate and I often play a game called "Fantasy Fist Fight." We got the idea from an episode of "Venture Bros." in which two of The Monarch's henchmen argue whether Lizzie Borden could beat up Anne Frank. To play, you choose anyone or anything: living, dead, real, not real, human, inhuman, and pit them against each other in a no-holds barred fight to the finish. Test your fantasy fist fight knowledge below!
1) Boba Fett Vs. Dog the Bounty Hunter
2) David Bowie Vs. The Marquis De Sade
3) Keith Moon Vs. The Loch Ness Monster (Moon gets a broadsword)


answers:
1) Boba Fett has a reputation for fighting to the finish, while Dog is older and would probably weaken first. Fett has galactic bounty hunter training while Dog only takes down fat polonesian dudes. Fett wins and Dog is brought to Cloud City in Carbonite.
2) Bowie holds up well for a while, but is ultimately overtaken by the Marquis' drive to kill Bowie and masturbate into more...

An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.

For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched more...

The first day of bear hunting season and the hunter is walking down the trail. He comes to a clearing and sees a very large bear in plain sight and takes a shot. When the smoke clears he looks and does'nt see the bear. Suddenly he feels something tapping him on the shoulder, It is the bear and the bear accuses him of trying to shoot him. The hunter denies this repeatedly but the bear makes the hunter pull down his pants and bend over a log where the bear has his way with the hunter. The bear finishes and goes on his way.
The next morning the hunter is ready for a little payback. He is walking down the same trail and sees the same bear. This time the hunter cleans his sight and takes better aim. When the smoke clears he looks and finds the bear gone again. He throws his rifle down and starts cursing. Then the hunter feels a tap on his shoulder. The bear again accuses the hunter of trying to shoot him. The hunter persistently denies until the bear makes him pull down his pants and more...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. His eyes are rolled back in his head and he doesn't seem to be breathing. The other hunter takes out his cell phone and calls for help.

He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm voice, says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is silence on the phone, then a shot is heard and the hunter's voice comes back on the line. "OK," he says, "now what?"