Hurt Jokes / Recent Jokes

At the Gym

For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.

Day 1

They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 a. m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. more...

I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together. Can I borrow that quarter,' cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in loveWhat's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me. Are your legs tired?' cause you been running through my mind ALL day long. Are you lost?' cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven. Is your father a thief?' cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says' yes')Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again? What's that in your eye? Oh... it's a sparkle. If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight? Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven. Do you like raisins? How about a date? So... How am I doin'? I more...

This guy decides to get a sex change. So he goes to the doctors and has the thing done. A couple of weeks later he was talking to one of his old buddies about it.
"Gee, it must have really hurt when they shot all that silicon into your chest to make your breasts."
"Not really, I hardly felt it."
"Well, it must have really hurt when they chopped off your manhood!"
"Nope, I didn't really feel it either. The only thing that really hurt was when they drilled a hole in my skull and sucked out half my brain!"

Two gay men were visiting a zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection. Unable to contain himself one of the men reaches in to touch it.
As soon as his arm goes into the cage, the gorilla grabs him, and takes him into the cage... slams him to the floor and fucks him senseless.
A few days later in hospital the boyfriend visits and asks his partner if he is hurt...
"Hurt..Hurt.. You bet I'm hurt. He hasn't phoned, he hasn't written..."

This guy decides to get a sex change. So he goes to the doctors and has the thing done. A couple of weeks later he was talking to one of his old buddies about it."Gee, it must have really hurt when they shot all that silicon into your chest to make your breasts.""Not really, I hardly felt it.""Well, it must have really hurt when they chopped off your manhood!""Nope, I didn't really feel it either. The only thing that really hurt was when they drilled a hole in my skull and sucked out half my brain!"

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in frontof the big silver back gorillas cage when one woman makes a gesture thatthe gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her, yanks her over the fence, and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital.Her friend, deeply concerned, visits her the next day. "Are you hurt?"she asks.She replies, "Of course I'm hurt! He hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes agesture that the gorilla interprets as aninvitation. He grabs her yanks her over thefence and takes her to his nest in the pen.There he ravishhes her and makes passionatelove to her for about 2 hours till he istranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks" Are you hurt?" She replies. Of Course I'm hurt, He hasn'tcalled! He hasn't written!