Hurt Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sex on television can't hurt you, unless you fall off.
There was some people an a plane and they threw a appl, and orange, and a bomb out the window. When they landed they decided to go on a walk and there was a boy cyring and they asked why are you crying and he said a apple came out of the sky and hurt my dog, so they went on and saw this girl crying and they asked why are you cryin and the girl said a orange came out of the sky and hurt my cat so they went on and saw a blond laughing and they said whats so funny and she said i farted and the building behind me blew up!!!
A young woman said to her doctor,' You have to help me, I hurt all over!'' What do you mean?' said the doctor. The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled,'Ow, that hurts.' Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled,' Ouch! That hurts, too.' Then she touched her right earlobe.' Ow, even THAT hurts!' The doctor asked the woman,' Are you a natural blonde?'' Why yes,' she said.' I thought so,' said the doctor.' You have a sprained finger.'
How did the aliens hurt the farmer? They trod on his corn.
For Christmas this year my wife purchased a week of private
lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape
from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I
decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and
made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a
26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My
wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get
started.
The club suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my
progress.
Day 1. Started the morning at 6: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but
worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was
waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond
hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines
and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She
seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think
just standing next to her in that more...
One day a man was out playing golf, when he sliced his shot off into a patch of buttercups.
Rather disgusted with himself, he went in search of his ball.
After finding it, he was ready to hit the ball back on the fairway when he heard a voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups".
Startled, he looked around to find the source of the voice to no avail.
Again the man prepared to hit his golf ball and again he heard the voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups".
This time when the man looked to find the source of the voice, he saw a small leprechaun standing by him. The little man spoke to the man and said, "Please sir, if you will kindly pick up your ball and throw it up onto the fairway instead of hitting it with your club, I will reward you with a year's supply of butter for free".
The man thought about the offer for a minute then replied, "That's a fine offer, but I have but one question for you, where were you last more...