Hurt Jokes / Recent Jokes

a blonde walks in to a cafe and orders a cup of coffee.
she sits down but everytime she goes to drink her eyes hurt...
after 2 more unsuccesful times trying to drink her coffee she goes up to the waitress and tells her that her eyes hurt whenever she tries to drink her coffee
the waitress replied to her miss it would help if u took out the spoon!!

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn’t comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband’s feet. “Are you hurt? ” he asked. “Of course I’m hurt! ” she replied. “Three times around and you didn’t wave once! ”

At the Gym For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. Day 1 They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. more...

A woman suspected she was pregnant, so she went to see her doctor. After verifying that she was expecting, and since this was her first pregnancy, the doctor asked her if she had any questions.
"Well," she replied, "I am quite worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
"That does vary from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy," the doctor explained. "Besides that, pain can be difficult to describe."
"I understand that, doctor, but could you give me some idea of what to expect?" she asked.
"I'll try," the doctor said. "Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little."
"Like this?" she asked.
"A little more," replied the doctor.
"Like this?" asked the woman, pulling on her lip a bit more.
"No. A little more," instructed the doctor.
"Like this?" she asked, pulling her lip even more.
"Yes. Does that hurt?" more...

For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called and made reservations with someone named Tanya, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic-clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started.
Day 1:
They suggest I keep this "exercise diary" to chart my progress this week. Started the morning at 6: 00 AM. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blonde hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. more...

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.